The Fruits of Relational Ministry

“But I want it now!”

When I was a kid, this was my response to my parents when they told me I would have to wait until Christmas before they would buy me a large Lego product I longed for. Since then, I have learned little about patience. I still had microwavable meals, the internet for downloading music, instant messaging to chat with my friends, sometimes up to six or seven conversations at once, and a host of other conveniences the Millennial generation was and continues to be blessed with.

But the fruits of relational ministry rarely ever occur in a short time frame. It can takes months, even years before you begin to see results.

I hate using the term results because it makes relational ministry seem more like a means to an end rather than an end in itself. I struggle with both perspectives: 1) the entire purpose of relationships is transformation and 2) the entire purpose of relationships is the relationship! I think somewhere in between lies the power of God’s unconditional love that accepts us as we are and compels us to be transformed into the likeness of His Son.

Deep Conversations versus Deep Transformations

This past weekend was one of the most fruitful times I’ve spent with the group of young men I have been mentoring. They are early adolescents, middle schoolers, and a bunch of crazy hormones and wild emotions all packed inside oddly proportioned bodies. I’ve been walking with them for several months now (and I’ve known them for about a year), and I’ve just now begun to see some signs of transformation.

I can have all the deep conversations I want with kids, but a deep conversation about life, family, girls, etc, means little if the young man doesn’t learn from the conversation and decide to change his life because of it. My job is to communicate to these guys biblical truth and share with them an unconditional loving relationship. The Holy Spirit’s job is to work in and on the hearts of these guys as they struggle to figure out who they are.

Lessons I’ve Learned So Far on Mentoring

Here are some things I am learning about mentoring these guys:

1. Fruit takes a long time to grow. Transformation is slow because it takes time to grow up. It’s taken me months of conversations before I they started to open up about their lives.
2. Sometimes the fruit is rotten. They will mess up and disappoint me. As much as it hurts to see these guys mess up, the biggest thing I can do for them is forgive them and keep loving them.
3. They long for encouragement from adults. I think one of the best ways for me to encourage him is when I see him do something that demonstrates biblical masculinity.
4. They long for guidance from adults. The guys often ask me about “guy stuff,” to be reassured that, “Yes, that’s normal,” and to find out what to do with their developing minds, bodies, and social lives. It amazes me how open they are when they realize how much I’m willing to listen.

I admit, I know very little about mentoring. All I know is that a lot of people need it, myself included. I recently asked an older youth leader I know to mentor me. I still need guidance as a young youth pastor trying to navigate the waters of ministry. I hope to share what I learn from both being mentored and being a mentor.

Free Mentoring Resources

• Mentoring.Org – Tons of free resources on starting a mentoring program in your city.
• WisdomWorks – A free mentoring program from Mark Matlock and crew.
• Authentic LA – A one-on-one mentoring ministry in Los Angeles with some free resources.

What Now?

Are you mentoring someone? Are you being mentored? What have you learned about mentoring?