Looking for a resource filled with creative ideas to build relationships with students? This is a free resource from Ministry Allies full of relational ministry ideas, including hanging out with students, working on projects together, going to cheer on other students together, and a ton of other great ideas.

The eBook also features additional comments made by some other youth ministry bloggers, including Tim Schmoyer, Adam McLane, Adam Lehman, Jeremy Zach, Chris Bowditch, and Mike Kupferer. Special thanks to these guys for making this happen!

You can:

• Use this list as a guide for ideas to hang out with students.
• Give to your volunteers to help them think of new ways to hang out with kids.

You can download the eBook or view it online.

Nick’s book is definitely not limited to only 43 ideas for connecting with teens. Although that may be the title, this valuable ebook contains many other tangible ways to practically build spiritually influential relationships with teenagers outside of church. Having tried almost all of his ideas in my own ministry over the past 10 years, this ebook brought back many fond memories and reminded me why I’m still in youth ministry today. Whether you’re a brand new youth worker or an old-school veteran, this ebook will help put you on the right track as you invest your life into students.

Tim Schmoyer
Pastor of Student Ministries at Alexandria Covenant Church in Alexandria, MN
Author of Life In Student Ministry at StudentMinistry.org

Different schools have different policies for visiting students on campus during lunch, but they generally fall into 3 categories (from my experience). If I’m missing any, please let me know.

1. Off Campus Lunch

This is usually the easiest situation: the school allows students to eat lunch off campus. This way, you can meet students at a local fast food restaurant or you can pick them up and give them a ride. Sometimes schools will only allow a certain class off campus (like the seniors), so be aware of different rules like that.

Meeting new students is done in a fairly neutral environment (not really their turf or yours, but it can seem a lot like theirs when they swarm the restaurants). I would suggest mixing your off campus and on campus lunch visits with the intent of meeting new kids.

It’s also generally easier to actually eat lunch yourself in this situation. Bring your lunch on campus doesn’t always work.

2. On Campus Lunch at an Open Campus

If the school does not allow students to leave campus for lunch (like most of the schools where I am currently doing ministry), then getting on campus to visit with them is the next best thing. Generally, open campuses will allow visitors to sign in at the office and go hang out during lunch. Being seen on campus is an important part of outreach, even if you do not talk to the students who see you.

Bringing lunch to the students is another way to make the visit more effective, though it can get costly if you’re buying for a lot of students. Not to mention, you could get mugged by the students!

Some schools straddle the fence between open and closed campuses. One school I know of allows anyone with a background check on file to visit the campus. Generally, the campus is open so long as you have been cleared. Getting the legwork done to get on campus can be a hassle, but it’s well worth it.

On Campus Lunch at a Closed Campus

The hardest schools to get on to are the ones that do not allow anyone onto the campus. The schools in the Los Angeles school district are all closed, often throwing a road block in my way to getting on campus during lunch.

However, I’ve found a few ways to get on campus even at a closed campus:

• See if lunch clubs are allowed to invite guests. Then you can connect with students at the club.
• Volunteer to be a lunch aid. Some schools might be open to you helping out with making sure the kids are following the rules.
• If you volunteer in another capacity (counselor, tutor, coach), the administration might allow you to hang out at lunch as well.

I would NOT suggest:

• Pretending you’re a student (if you look young) or a teacher (if you could look like a teacher).
• Sneaking on campus. Usually it’s the kids trying to sneak off!
• Bribing the person in charge of checking in visitors.

A Special Note on Bringing Food to School

Again, different schools have different policies for bringing outside food on campus. At the local high school, the general answer is “No,” even for clubs, but many clubs and visitors bring food on campus anyway. Use discretion here and follow what the principal allows. Sometimes official rules are overridden by principal’s preference.

If you do have permission to bring food on campus, be sure to bring extra food for others who might want to share with you and the student. Extra tacos from Taco Bell or Jack in the Box are always good options, as well as extra cheeseburgers from McDonald’s or Burger King.

What Now?

If you do not have one, formulate a strategy to visit students at school. Even if you never visit, this information can be helpful to other youth workers in the area. Share what you plan or learn from this experience in the comments section.

Photo by Sgt. Im Jin-min (US Army), on Flickr.

Too much is at stake for me to waste time building my own kingdom.

The hard thing though, is I often find myself doing just that. It’s easy when I lose focus and am just trying to go from week to week. I lose that creative spark, that little bit of something extra, something Holy Spirit-ish, that tips the scale and puts the group on edge about something bigger than themselves.

But it’s not about me. I can “do ministry,” convert kids, develop leaders, train disciples, have deep conversations with kids, but in the end, it’s not about me. His Kingdom is bigger than mine; His vision stretches into eternity when mine can barely see passed next summer; in His story He is the hero, not me.

Some things I feel God is teaching me:

1. If I pray, “Your Kingdom come,” then I have to surrender my kingdom.

Perhaps nothing is harder than surrending my own kingdom and giving up what makes me feel in control. And nothing is more liberating than giving myself up to the Kingdom, because His Kingdom bigger than me. God’s story is bigger than me. In the end, I’d rather play a small part in God’s story than have Him play a small part in my story.

2. If it’s God’s Kingdom, then He should get all the credit for growth.

The Apostle Paul says it best:

What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.
-1 Cor 3:5-7 (NIV)

3. If it’s God’s story, then “my” volunteers are ministers accountable to God, not to me, for they have been invited into God’s story, not “my” ministry.

And I pray that I might lead my leaders to know that they are ministers with their own ministry. So what if I get the paycheck; it’s a pity that such a position exists! God might have given them to me to train and encourage them, but they are not mine, they are servants who belong to God! Even if their call is not to youth ministry, then I think I should at least try to help them get connected where they can be ministers for the Kingdom.

4. If it’s God’s world, then “that other youth group” is not the enemy.

And if I treat it as such, I am undermining God’s Kingdom. I should be working with that church. There are so many benefits to working with other churches. For there are many churches, but one Kingdom.

How often do I pray for that other church? How often do I rejoice when a student leaves my youth group but gets connected elsewhere and grows in God? How self-centered am I really when it comes to numbers?

5. If it’s God’s family, then “my” kids are not really my kids, but His kids.

Perhaps this is where I get the most selfish. When I started to get to know kids, I really start to like them. I like to hang out with them, to talk to them, to have them coming to our programs and our trips. Even if they’re annoying or loud or like to curse a lot, they’re still my kids and I still care for them.

But when they start making poor choices, I hate that the most. I fear for them. I hate seeing them make choices they will regret. I hate seeing guilt. And while I love to be able to share with them Christ’s forgiveness, I hate the sin. But I need to remember that God holds them tight to His chest and that He loves them more than I ever could. I should be privileged to know He has invited me into that love. I need to trust that God is taking care of them.

And I hate seeing them leave. Sometimes they leave because of schedule conflicts or because of their parents, or they find a “better” youth group. It’s the same issue though:  I need to let go and trust God is carrying them. I need to rejoice when they find a home in a different church because, again, we are many churches but one Kingdom.

I hope that we can begin to see that the wall of God’s Kingdom stretch long and tall around our communities. I hope we can catch on to what the Spirit is already doing in our schools. I hope we can trust that God has been planting seeds long before we got here, and that He will calls us to either plant, or water, or harvest, but in whatever He calls us to, that we rejoice in knowing we work for God Most High.

Photo by Stephan de Paly.

1. Save money by sharing resources.

Working at a church with no youth budget, I know how tough it is to purchase curriculum. In a few instances, I’ve teamed up with another church to split the cost of curriculum. Then we share it. We also lend out books and previously purchased resources to one another on a consistent basis (You might want to somehow signify who the book belongs to). We have saved a lot of money by simply sharing resources.

Sharing resources also includes sharing facilities. My church, for example, has a gym/multipurpose room, while the church town the road has an amazing stage with sound and lighting. We leave the door open for the other churches in the area to borrow our activity center for their use.

Todd Perkins suggests sending out an “all church” email with items that would be needed for ministry events. Returns on such an email would greatly reduce the strain on youth ministry budgets. He has some great ideas for sharing resources on his blog as well.

2. Save time by sharing resources.

Four churches in our community gather on the first Sunday of every month to do our adult and student leader training together. We divide the responsibilities among the youth pastors, so one month, one of us will teach, another will do an icebreaker, etc. Toward the end of the meeting, we break up into our church groups to tackle specific issues relevant to our individual churches. This saves us a lot of planning time and allows our leaders to get to know leaders from other churches.

Similarly, a group of youth leaders in Alexandria, MN have held their own training conferences.

3. Get out of an “idea rut” by sharing ideas.

Nothing is worse than running out of ideas to illustrate a point, or games to break the ice with your group, or lessons to teach. Especially during busy months or if you’re suffering from burnout, recycling ideas from other churches can help you get through a tough season of ministry. I can thing of many games and lessons that other pastors in the area have borrowed from me, and I from them. Jeremy from Small Town Youth Pastor has a great post on how networking can help you exchange ideas and some thoughts on how to get started.

4. Do bigger events together.

Mathematically, you can charge less to an event if more people show up. More people can show up if you combine with other groups. We’re planning to do a winter/spring retreat in 2010 with four or five churches. We’re going to split the booking, teaching, worship leading, and gaming responsibilities among our pastors. Then we’re going to charge the kids less because more will sign up.

5. Do outreach together.

Doing outreach alone can be daunting, especially when it involves going to where kids go and striking up a conversation with a kid you don’t know (trust me, I’ve done it). Going with other leaders gives you more support, and helps you build credibility with those you meet (since they will know you have friends your own age and that you’re not a creepy stalker). For example, go to lunch together at a location you know kids go, hit up the local skatepark together, or volunteer to coach a sport together.

6. Be a role model to kids other than your kids.

I had two kids in the past few weeks, from two different groups, come up to me and tell me I was their “second favorite youth pastor.” Second, of course, to their youth pastor. At first, I thought the comment was odd, but as I thought about it, it’s great to know that I’m making an impact on kids who are not in my youth group. I can support my friend’s youth ministry by spending time with his kids.

I hope that leaders from other groups can have that same kind of impact on my kids.

7. Give your kids more access to adult role models.

I’ve found that some leaders from other churches have had a bigger impact on my kids than me or my leaders. Some types of guys gravitate to similar guy leaders and girls to similar woman leaders. A fresh perspective might be the thing that allows one of your kids to understand a point that you’ve been trying to hammer for months. Developmentally, kids journeying through adolescence need many adults to support them through this phase in their life. It takes a village to raise a child and, to a certain degree, it takes the whole kingdom to raise a child spiritually.

(But they’re our kids. Shouldn’t we be able to take care of them on our own? In the end, they are all God’s kids who He has allowed us to shepherd for a season. At the end of the ages, we will bow down next to our youth group kids before King Jesus. This is such a humbling a comforting truth.)

8. Receive additional prayer and support.

Whether or not you receive adequate support from your superiors, pastoral staff, and parents, it’s always helpful to receive support from other youth pastors and leaders. In fact, prayer should be the start of any youth ministry network.  Sometimes it’s especially useful to vent to someone who is not involved in your church’s hierarchy or politics. James 5:16 says that the prayer of the righteous is “powerful and effective” (NIV). Trust that it is!

There are plenty of more potential benefits. What am I missing? What other benefits do you see or have you experienced? I’d love for you to share your stories below in the comments section.