Looking for a resource filled with creative ideas to build relationships with students? This is a free resource from Ministry Allies full of relational ministry ideas, including hanging out with students, working on projects together, going to cheer on other students together, and a ton of other great ideas.

The eBook also features additional comments made by some other youth ministry bloggers, including Tim Schmoyer, Adam McLane, Adam Lehman, Jeremy Zach, Chris Bowditch, and Mike Kupferer. Special thanks to these guys for making this happen!

You can:

• Use this list as a guide for ideas to hang out with students.
• Give to your volunteers to help them think of new ways to hang out with kids.

You can download the eBook or view it online.

Nick’s book is definitely not limited to only 43 ideas for connecting with teens. Although that may be the title, this valuable ebook contains many other tangible ways to practically build spiritually influential relationships with teenagers outside of church. Having tried almost all of his ideas in my own ministry over the past 10 years, this ebook brought back many fond memories and reminded me why I’m still in youth ministry today. Whether you’re a brand new youth worker or an old-school veteran, this ebook will help put you on the right track as you invest your life into students.

Tim Schmoyer
Pastor of Student Ministries at Alexandria Covenant Church in Alexandria, MN
Author of Life In Student Ministry at StudentMinistry.org

Okay, so it’s not that secret. We throw around that word at all the big conferences and it’s everywhere in books. Relationships; it’s all about relationships.

But do we really know what that means?

Defining Relational Ministry

I would define relational youth ministry as “a connection of relationships between adults and students designed to pass on identity in the community of faith.” This “identity” includes faith in Christ, membership in a communal body of believers, and spiritual habits.

Photo by Brandon Beecroft

The purpose of relational ministry is to disciple students toward God’s will for their life. Another definition: “Empowering another person towards God’s purposes” (from Deep Leadership by Kara Powell, adapted from Connecting by Bobby Clinton and Paul Stanley, defining “mentoring”).

We see some leaders in the Bible do effective relational ministry:

• Jethro, the father-in-law of Moses, advises him to get more people involved in the work of God so he does not burn himself out. (Exodus 18)
• Paul the Apostle, shares life with the Thessalonians. (1 Thess 2:8)
• In some ways, the prophets act as mentors to the kings of Israel and Judah (and one of Babylon).
• Jesus spends three years giving intense training to 12 men.

A relational ministry is more than just a program/attraction-based ministry that glosses over and says it’s relational. If the purpose of the program is to get kids to show up and not to invest in the kids that are there, then it’s not relational ministry. The relational aspect of the ministry should be the foundation for the programs, not the other way around.

The Basis for Relational Ministry: The Incarnation

The “Incarnation” is a big theological word meaning God coming down from heaven to earth in human form, in the person of Jesus Christ.

• Jesus is the visible expression of the invisible God. (Col 1:15, Philips)
• The Word (logos) became flesh and dwelt among us. (John 1:14)
• Jesus, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing… (Phil 2:6)

The term “Incarnational Witness” then means that we, as Christ’s witnesses (Acts 1:8) are to go to all the peoples of the world (Mark 16:15) in the same way that God came to us. We go where they are, meet them where they are at, share life with them, earn the right to be heard, share with them the Good News of Jesus Christ, and continue to love them even if they reject God.

In that sense, relational ministry is more than ministry within the church walls or within the time span of a specific program. It’s much more ubiquitous. It’s something you can’t clock out of, even in the worst of times.

Effective Relational Ministry

Effective relational ministry happens when every student is cared for by at least one caring adult leader, who knows his first and last name, his family situation, his quirks, his fears, his favorite sport, and is there to cheer him on as he grows up in the Lord and in life.

Students can experience grace, mercy, forgiveness, love, encouragement, and joy in a relationship-based ministry in a way they never could in an attraction-based ministry. I think this is what youth ministry should look like.

As Adam Lehman said in a post on his blog:

They could fail, underachieve and disappoint 100% of the time, and they’re still loved. There are A LOT of ways to get that message across. There is only 1 way of living that message: hanging out regularly.

I think Jesus was all for a hands-on experiential learning environment.

What Now?

Take a day “off” to hang out with kids. Don’t go to the office, go to them. Go with them. That office work can wait.

(Photo by Brandon Beecroft)